This has been happening a lot lately. Like, obnoxiously a lot.
It's not that I'm not tired.
I am. I'm in bed currently, because I was sooo tired I couldn't keep my eyes open.
And now a few hours later. I am still awake.
It is becoming routine, and as I already mentioned, annoying.
You see, my mind just will not shut off. And I find myself thinking about any and everything. But mostly, I find myself pleading with Jesus for a full-time job.
Yes that is right. I am completely over being unemployed. I am a doer and a type A personality and I keep reminding God I never prayed for patience and although I'm being sarcastic currently, I am absolutely serious.
So what do you do at 1:44am (it is only 4 minutes later?!?!) when you can't fall asleep. Well, I open my Bible and read because it seems to be the only thing that eventually helps me fall asleep and helps take my mind off of all the random, what if I don't get this job and I have to do this, but this isn't my passion, what if you're leading me in a different direcion, but I already thought THIS was the new direction where am I going, what am I doing, why can't I just have the job I want, thoughts.
See? Isn't that obnoxious!!!!!
I've been reading in Philippians and tonight read chapter 4 and wouldn't you know this is what sticks out to me...
Philippians 4:5-7 (NIV) "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"
Wow. Seriously? I can't even begin (although I'm sure I will try later) to describe the amount of times Jesus has given me the exact scripture just when I needed it. Within the last month I can think of a handful (yes all related to a job situation) But he literally always gives me the EXACT versus I need to get through that day, or to eventually fall asleep that night... surveys still out. I'm still awake.
SO. Technically when I read that, I read until the prayer and petition part and stopped and started pleading and praying to God for specific things that I would like (like people to stop asking me who I am dating) and a slew of other things, specifically a job.
After I was done, I finished reading and see that it said "... with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." And then I felt silly and was like wow, okay yes God you have been super good to me on the job front, why do I think you won't come through again. So I started listing in my head where he's lead me and that is what prompted me to do this because I was utterly amazed that I can still be so cautious after all he has done in perfect timing.
Summer 2010:
*Intern for a shady Film Company. Helped me realize to be cautious and not trust everything at face value
Fall 2010:
*Accepted into New York Media Experience Program (^ the only reason I did above internship was to have something so I could be accepted into this)
Sprint 2011:
*Go to NYC for NYMEP and have no internship. Freaking out. In NY, everyone else does. I was misguided. Ended up being offered an internship with Rachel Ray show and then got called later and was offered an internship with CBS Evening News because someone else dropped. Talk about right timing. The exact right internship for me. A few days before we were supposed to start. While this internship was great, it helped me realize I may not be cut out for evening news, a little too depressing even though I was working on the fun Feature pieces, I had no aspirations to be apart of the rest of it although the people were honestly amazing, I just wasn't passionate about it.
Summer 2011:
*Come home around April 29th with no summer job, applied left and right, was gonna work at my old summer job and by May 5th,not even a week after being home, I was hired for a few days as a PA on the film Fun Size. Got the interview while visiting ppl at college and had to borrow clothes for the interview! After working there three days, I ended up being hired full time for the Summer on my first film EVER. With ZERO prior experience, but having interned in NYC 4 days a week for 4 months, I impressed them I guess.
Fall 2011:
*Wrestling Stat, really no time for internship
Spring 2012:
*Internship with Fox 8's New Day Cleveland. Meet some amazing people and realized I liked day time television. Just not producing. Calling people and trying to set up interviews stresses me out. I'd rather chat and interview them.
*After only interning with New Day for 2 months, I get offered a Full-time, paid internship with the Cleveland Browns Scoreboard department as an editor. New day Graciously let me end my internship early. I was hired in February, started in March 2 days a week (since I only lived 20 mins from downtown and had schedule my last semester such that Tuesday and Thursday I had no class) and a day after I graduated in May, I started working there full time and beyond until April 3rd, 2013. A whole month after my internship was supposed to end. They kept me and were willing to keep me a little longer to help with editing, but.....
Summer 2013:
*I was offered a job on the film Draft Day to be an assistant to the Producer's. I also got to be on set (goal achieved!) and see that atmosphere while still being around the Cleveland Browns. I also got to help out Camera Department and PR. While it was an incredible experience with really fun and really nice people (don't let them full you, film ppl are super cool), I again, realized that it wasn't my passion and that I really missed Football and knowing constantly what was going on. I didn't aspire to be an Assistant Directed or in Props, or Camera or PR of Art Department. I just had a good experience but wanted to do more broadcasting than film.
*Worked at a Holiness camp as a counselor for middle/high schoolers
*Worked for a week as a PA on the ESPN 30 for 30 on Cleveland Sports Fans
*Went to open casting call at local agent in August...
*Apply for FSO Girl...I don't get chosen for the Fox Sports Ohio girl, A bit sad bc I always think I'm great, but realized God had something different. Day I found out this wasn't happening, I got this call ...
Fall 2013:
*Vic C asking if I would want to do the High School Game of the Weeks for the Cleveland Browns youth football program. I would only be hired for the first few games officially but we would go over it once they hire a new coordinator and we see how I do... I end up getting to do the entire regular season and post season!!!! I wrote my own standups, wrote VOs, interviewed players and coaches learned a little bit more on football lingo (pass vs receive/catching? yards) <-- confusing when you've never read or written a stat line prior.
*From there I got to cover the Browns Stadium Renovation Press Conference
*Worked on some additional content with a few others from the Browns
Winter 2013
*Had the opportunity to record 2 radio commercials that played throughout the Cleveland area for the Browns.
*Worked 2 Browns game as Game Day Staff
*Worked as a PA again with the ESPN 30 for 30 crew
*Heard back from the agency I went to in the summer
*Created videos for Christmas and a few other events throughout each season
*Worked as a freelancer at a Cavs game day event because of someone I reconnected with from the Browns Game Day Staff who I was around a lot when I interned there the year prior.
Winter 2014
*Created a video of a year in review for our church informational meeting
*Lead Bible Study Wednesday Nights for teens
*Accepted a secretary position on my denomination's Youth Board
*Officially signed with the agency and had my first audition
*Booked a few other freelance jobs through a few different companies...
*Complained a lot about not having a full-time job and compared myself a lot to others.
So. As you can see.
God has been very, very faithful and good to me and he has always come through, usually the day or the week that I need him absolutely too. But like all things, it is not my timing but his.
This was basically all written down to remind myself how God has been faithful in the past. This was how I can, with thanksgiving truly in my heart, ask for the exact job I want, because, as Jesus has guided me away from hard hitting news and film (which is what I always thought I'd do in college) and more towards sports (which I had no clue existed) he has put new passions in my heart and has opened the exact doors and closed the exact doors (like FSO) that needed to be closed so I could do something else (like HSGOTW for the Browns).
Revelation 3: 7b-8 "What he opens no one can shut and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name"
You see, God has laid a new passion on my heart. To work within sports as a multimedia journalist for a team and help created content for females in the sporting community. A job that last year I never thought possible although I dreamed about it, and now I am praying consistently that I am given.
Proverbs 3: 5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight"
This may have been long and wordy, but it was much more therapeutic for me than it will ever be for you. I get to relive all the times Jesus has been faithful and now at 2:34am, I feel as though I can finally fall asleep with that peace that was promised to me, because even if I don't get this job that I am praying for I know...
Psalm 32:8 "The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you'"
Psalm 37: 4-5 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desire. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him and he will help you.
Jeremiah 29:11-14 "'For I know the plans I have for you', says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a hope and a future. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you', says the Lord"
Psalm 37: 23-24 If the Lord delights in a man's ways, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, , for the Lord upholds him with his hand
Psalm 57:2 I cry out to God Most High to God who fulfills his purpose for me
Psalm 94:19 When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.
Psalm 138:8 The Lord will work out his plans for my life- for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me
Psalm 119: 35,38 Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight...fulfill your promise to your servant so that you may be feared
Proverbs 16: 1,3,9 "We can make our own plans but the Lord gives the right answer...Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed...We can make our own plans, but the Lord determines our steps."
Proverbs 20:24 The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way.
Psalm 138:3 As soon as I pray you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength
Ephesians 3:20 All glory to God, who is able, through his might power at work within us to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think
Proverbs 19:21 You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail
Psalm 73:24 You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny
Jeremiah 1:5 I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set apart and appointed you
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
... You see if I'm not given this job, it means there is something else out there for me that Jesus is leading me to and I would rather be in his will any day than in my will.
