The end is near. No not THAT end.

"Closing time - time for you to go out, go out into the world."

Such a prophetic line.

A lot of people use it to signal the end of a night. The end of college. The end of a trip, an experience, whatever the end is for you. Just remember the end of a rope leads to a huge open space where anything can go, you no longer have your life mapped out on this tiny line, instead there's a whole other world, off that mapped out course to explore.

As I end my experience here in NYC I ask myself, what was my "reason" for being here. You see I believe that I was lead to NYC this semester. A lot of decisions, applications, and periods of reflection of what I want my life to be went into deciding to do this. But I was also accepted here, I was accepted to my internship.

I honestly don't know what will come out of this experience job wise but I have taken away a lot bigger lessons, friends, and memories. 

You see the great thing is, I don't need to know RIGHT NOW what effect this will have on my life, as difficult as that is for me, being a planner and all.

One thing is for sure, it's going to make me approach my senior year much differently. I don't have a clearer vision of what I'm supposed to do in life, what my job will be essentially, but I know I can't figure it out if I don't build my skill set. I say I want to direct and people ask to see my films or my website and I just go "well I don't actually have any, yet"; a lot of good that does me. This summer and senior year, that's going to change.

My senior year will also be different because, I hate to say this, but I realize who matters to me. I've always liked being friends with everyone, and I still say being cordial is way better than being a brat, but I've definitely grown really close to some individuals although we barely knew each other. They put in the effort to call and stay in contact and ask me how everything was going and that meant a great deal to me. I know that sounds horrible, but it felt like I had graduated and I realized which people were going to try and stay in contact, a hard, but honest and much needed realization.

I also learned just HOW important family and God is too me. I know a lot of people don't believe in God or don't have close relationships with their family, but for me, that is honestly what got me through. Those are two constants in my life that have NEVER changed.

God is always there and when I was super home sick in the beginning reading the Bible was probably the only thing that encouraged me throughout the week. For the first two weeks I kid you not almost every daily devotional I read applied DIRECTLY to what I had been feeling that whole day and gave me hope and encouragement. I know people will say you were reading into it or you take what your looking for, but if you've never felt it than there's no way for me to even try and explain it.

My family was so awesome with me too, especially since I called every day, or twice a day, or more.

My dad, for letting me call and complain, ask for advice, talk to when I was down, in need of encouragement. Def the best man I know, I love how handy he is and how he's always there when I need him to give me Godly advice, I def need to find a guy like him!

My mom, for letting me call her at 1am when my tummy hurts and I don't know what meds to take, and for listening to me babble about my days and experiences. For letting me send her stupid articles that I read and for really caring about everything I do here. She def the mom that listens and with my big mouth, it's much appreicated. And for all the care packages! loved em!

My sis, because I always call her if I want an honest opinion on anything. I appreciate that she tells me exactly what she thinks because I trust her opinion otherwise I wouldn't ask. And we always grow closer when we are apart which is nice, it's fun to laugh over silly videos with her, share our confusion over hipsters and make fun of mom and dad and their forgetfullness.

My bro, for subtley encouraging me that I can get through this experience. That when I'm homesick, there are others who are far more homesick and helping me realize I can get through anything.

So you see, this ending, this closing time in NYC is just the beginning, come on you KNEW that was coming. It has taught me SO much. I have a clearer vision of what I need to do to prepare for my future. It's really hard now to leave. I've made a life here, with friends that I'm really going to miss.

It's hard because I don't know exactly where my future will lead me, but I'll never find out if I don't try. Rejection and failure is a fear of mine, so after I fall and fail a few times, I'm going to make sure that senior year, I conquer that fear, and learn how to encourage myself to succeed.