This has been happening a lot lately. Like, obnoxiously a lot.
It's not that I'm not tired.
I am. I'm in bed currently, because I was sooo tired I couldn't keep my eyes open.
And now a few hours later. I am still awake.
It is becoming routine, and as I already mentioned, annoying.
You see, my mind just will not shut off. And I find myself thinking about any and everything. But mostly, I find myself pleading with Jesus for a full-time job.
Yes that is right. I am completely over being unemployed. I am a doer and a type A personality and I keep reminding God I never prayed for patience and although I'm being sarcastic currently, I am absolutely serious.
So what do you do at 1:44am (it is only 4 minutes later?!?!) when you can't fall asleep. Well, I open my Bible and read because it seems to be the only thing that eventually helps me fall asleep and helps take my mind off of all the random, what if I don't get this job and I have to do this, but this isn't my passion, what if you're leading me in a different direcion, but I already thought THIS was the new direction where am I going, what am I doing, why can't I just have the job I want, thoughts.
See? Isn't that obnoxious!!!!!
I've been reading in Philippians and tonight read chapter 4 and wouldn't you know this is what sticks out to me...
Philippians 4:5-7 (NIV) "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"
Wow. Seriously? I can't even begin (although I'm sure I will try later) to describe the amount of times Jesus has given me the exact scripture just when I needed it. Within the last month I can think of a handful (yes all related to a job situation) But he literally always gives me the EXACT versus I need to get through that day, or to eventually fall asleep that night... surveys still out. I'm still awake.
SO. Technically when I read that, I read until the prayer and petition part and stopped and started pleading and praying to God for specific things that I would like (like people to stop asking me who I am dating) and a slew of other things, specifically a job.
After I was done, I finished reading and see that it said "... with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." And then I felt silly and was like wow, okay yes God you have been super good to me on the job front, why do I think you won't come through again. So I started listing in my head where he's lead me and that is what prompted me to do this because I was utterly amazed that I can still be so cautious after all he has done in perfect timing.
Summer 2010:
*Intern for a shady Film Company. Helped me realize to be cautious and not trust everything at face value
Fall 2010:
*Accepted into New York Media Experience Program (^ the only reason I did above internship was to have something so I could be accepted into this)
Sprint 2011:
*Go to NYC for NYMEP and have no internship. Freaking out. In NY, everyone else does. I was misguided. Ended up being offered an internship with Rachel Ray show and then got called later and was offered an internship with CBS Evening News because someone else dropped. Talk about right timing. The exact right internship for me. A few days before we were supposed to start. While this internship was great, it helped me realize I may not be cut out for evening news, a little too depressing even though I was working on the fun Feature pieces, I had no aspirations to be apart of the rest of it although the people were honestly amazing, I just wasn't passionate about it.
Summer 2011:
*Come home around April 29th with no summer job, applied left and right, was gonna work at my old summer job and by May 5th,not even a week after being home, I was hired for a few days as a PA on the film Fun Size. Got the interview while visiting ppl at college and had to borrow clothes for the interview! After working there three days, I ended up being hired full time for the Summer on my first film EVER. With ZERO prior experience, but having interned in NYC 4 days a week for 4 months, I impressed them I guess.
Fall 2011:
*Wrestling Stat, really no time for internship
Spring 2012:
*Internship with Fox 8's New Day Cleveland. Meet some amazing people and realized I liked day time television. Just not producing. Calling people and trying to set up interviews stresses me out. I'd rather chat and interview them.
*After only interning with New Day for 2 months, I get offered a Full-time, paid internship with the Cleveland Browns Scoreboard department as an editor. New day Graciously let me end my internship early. I was hired in February, started in March 2 days a week (since I only lived 20 mins from downtown and had schedule my last semester such that Tuesday and Thursday I had no class) and a day after I graduated in May, I started working there full time and beyond until April 3rd, 2013. A whole month after my internship was supposed to end. They kept me and were willing to keep me a little longer to help with editing, but.....
Summer 2013:
*I was offered a job on the film Draft Day to be an assistant to the Producer's. I also got to be on set (goal achieved!) and see that atmosphere while still being around the Cleveland Browns. I also got to help out Camera Department and PR. While it was an incredible experience with really fun and really nice people (don't let them full you, film ppl are super cool), I again, realized that it wasn't my passion and that I really missed Football and knowing constantly what was going on. I didn't aspire to be an Assistant Directed or in Props, or Camera or PR of Art Department. I just had a good experience but wanted to do more broadcasting than film.
*Worked at a Holiness camp as a counselor for middle/high schoolers
*Worked for a week as a PA on the ESPN 30 for 30 on Cleveland Sports Fans
*Went to open casting call at local agent in August...
*Apply for FSO Girl...I don't get chosen for the Fox Sports Ohio girl, A bit sad bc I always think I'm great, but realized God had something different. Day I found out this wasn't happening, I got this call ...
Fall 2013:
*Vic C asking if I would want to do the High School Game of the Weeks for the Cleveland Browns youth football program. I would only be hired for the first few games officially but we would go over it once they hire a new coordinator and we see how I do... I end up getting to do the entire regular season and post season!!!! I wrote my own standups, wrote VOs, interviewed players and coaches learned a little bit more on football lingo (pass vs receive/catching? yards) <-- confusing when you've never read or written a stat line prior.
*From there I got to cover the Browns Stadium Renovation Press Conference
*Worked on some additional content with a few others from the Browns
Winter 2013
*Had the opportunity to record 2 radio commercials that played throughout the Cleveland area for the Browns.
*Worked 2 Browns game as Game Day Staff
*Worked as a PA again with the ESPN 30 for 30 crew
*Heard back from the agency I went to in the summer
*Created videos for Christmas and a few other events throughout each season
*Worked as a freelancer at a Cavs game day event because of someone I reconnected with from the Browns Game Day Staff who I was around a lot when I interned there the year prior.
Winter 2014
*Created a video of a year in review for our church informational meeting
*Lead Bible Study Wednesday Nights for teens
*Accepted a secretary position on my denomination's Youth Board
*Officially signed with the agency and had my first audition
*Booked a few other freelance jobs through a few different companies...
*Complained a lot about not having a full-time job and compared myself a lot to others.
So. As you can see.
God has been very, very faithful and good to me and he has always come through, usually the day or the week that I need him absolutely too. But like all things, it is not my timing but his.
This was basically all written down to remind myself how God has been faithful in the past. This was how I can, with thanksgiving truly in my heart, ask for the exact job I want, because, as Jesus has guided me away from hard hitting news and film (which is what I always thought I'd do in college) and more towards sports (which I had no clue existed) he has put new passions in my heart and has opened the exact doors and closed the exact doors (like FSO) that needed to be closed so I could do something else (like HSGOTW for the Browns).
Revelation 3: 7b-8 "What he opens no one can shut and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name"
You see, God has laid a new passion on my heart. To work within sports as a multimedia journalist for a team and help created content for females in the sporting community. A job that last year I never thought possible although I dreamed about it, and now I am praying consistently that I am given.
Proverbs 3: 5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight"
This may have been long and wordy, but it was much more therapeutic for me than it will ever be for you. I get to relive all the times Jesus has been faithful and now at 2:34am, I feel as though I can finally fall asleep with that peace that was promised to me, because even if I don't get this job that I am praying for I know...
Psalm 32:8 "The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you'"
Psalm 37: 4-5 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desire. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him and he will help you.
Jeremiah 29:11-14 "'For I know the plans I have for you', says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a hope and a future. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you', says the Lord"
Psalm 37: 23-24 If the Lord delights in a man's ways, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, , for the Lord upholds him with his hand
Psalm 57:2 I cry out to God Most High to God who fulfills his purpose for me
Psalm 94:19 When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.
Psalm 138:8 The Lord will work out his plans for my life- for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me
Psalm 119: 35,38 Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight...fulfill your promise to your servant so that you may be feared
Proverbs 16: 1,3,9 "We can make our own plans but the Lord gives the right answer...Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed...We can make our own plans, but the Lord determines our steps."
Proverbs 20:24 The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way.
Psalm 138:3 As soon as I pray you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength
Ephesians 3:20 All glory to God, who is able, through his might power at work within us to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think
Proverbs 19:21 You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail
Psalm 73:24 You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny
Jeremiah 1:5 I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set apart and appointed you
Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
... You see if I'm not given this job, it means there is something else out there for me that Jesus is leading me to and I would rather be in his will any day than in my will.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Monday, December 17, 2012
My first Love
A lot of students pride themselves on their athletic capabilities or musical talent but for me, it was my academic performance that I was proud of. But like most talents, it takes effort, time or practice and I wasn't one who got good grades without studying; I studied A TON.
I was also in a sorority whose "house" was actually a dorm floor with a "chapter room" (also known as our living room) down the hall. Most of the girls loved studying in the chapter room with everyone else, watching some show or funny youtube videos. I was not one of those girls. And not because I didn't love spending time with them, but because I could never concentrate. I could barely fall asleep if someone was talking outside my room or my roommate's phone was clicking as she texted late at night while we lay in our beds.
I knew my studying time would increase, while my productivity would decrease and yes those friendship and those times are times when memories are built but as a daily routine to study, that was NOT going to fly.
This distraction reminds me a lot of relationships. As of late, I have had numerous people try to set me up with this person or that person and while most every one of them was extremely kind and nice, I just wasn't interested or realized it just wasn't a good situation because the person didn't actually love God like me. That leads people to ask me ALL THE TIME if I'm happy.
The answer is YES.
I am very happy with my life and for some reason people do not believe me. But let me explain.
Let me take you to 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 ... Paul writes...
32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
It's just like studying to me. It's not that hanging out with my friends and studying is wrong, it's that I wouldn't be as focuses on my work which was important to me.
With God, it's not that a significant other is wrong, it's that I would now be splitting my time and thoughts between HIM and him.
I read these verses and know without a doubt that this time period of my life is for a purpose. Don't misunderstand me, it's not that one day, in the future when it is God's timing, I won't want to get married, it's that I am in an amazing position to serve God fully right now.
And that is exactly what God has been preparing for me. God has placed a dream in my heart and career aspirations. He has been opening doors left and right for my future and although another transition period is in front of me, I'm excited because I am in a place where, come February I can do whatever and go where ever God calls me.
Until God places a Christian man, whom I am attracted to and who fully and completely loves HIM in my path I will not be looking because it frees up time for me to devote myself to my first love, Jesus Christ.
So stop asking me if I am happy because nothing makes me more happy than to fully serve God and to have an excited about the future he has planned for me. If I can do his will and serve him first, everything else is a bonus.
I was also in a sorority whose "house" was actually a dorm floor with a "chapter room" (also known as our living room) down the hall. Most of the girls loved studying in the chapter room with everyone else, watching some show or funny youtube videos. I was not one of those girls. And not because I didn't love spending time with them, but because I could never concentrate. I could barely fall asleep if someone was talking outside my room or my roommate's phone was clicking as she texted late at night while we lay in our beds.
I knew my studying time would increase, while my productivity would decrease and yes those friendship and those times are times when memories are built but as a daily routine to study, that was NOT going to fly.
This distraction reminds me a lot of relationships. As of late, I have had numerous people try to set me up with this person or that person and while most every one of them was extremely kind and nice, I just wasn't interested or realized it just wasn't a good situation because the person didn't actually love God like me. That leads people to ask me ALL THE TIME if I'm happy.
The answer is YES.
I am very happy with my life and for some reason people do not believe me. But let me explain.
Let me take you to 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 ... Paul writes...
32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
It's just like studying to me. It's not that hanging out with my friends and studying is wrong, it's that I wouldn't be as focuses on my work which was important to me.
With God, it's not that a significant other is wrong, it's that I would now be splitting my time and thoughts between HIM and him.
I read these verses and know without a doubt that this time period of my life is for a purpose. Don't misunderstand me, it's not that one day, in the future when it is God's timing, I won't want to get married, it's that I am in an amazing position to serve God fully right now.
And that is exactly what God has been preparing for me. God has placed a dream in my heart and career aspirations. He has been opening doors left and right for my future and although another transition period is in front of me, I'm excited because I am in a place where, come February I can do whatever and go where ever God calls me.
Until God places a Christian man, whom I am attracted to and who fully and completely loves HIM in my path I will not be looking because it frees up time for me to devote myself to my first love, Jesus Christ.
So stop asking me if I am happy because nothing makes me more happy than to fully serve God and to have an excited about the future he has planned for me. If I can do his will and serve him first, everything else is a bonus.
I mean look at that precious face, I clearly love life!!! :D
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Without Love
I seriously don't know what is wrong with me tonight!
Maybe it was the over 8 hours of driving this weekend or the new environment I was in or the fact that I feel like I missed out with my friends on a tradition or the realization that I graduate in 3 weekends, but I'm feeling awfully reflective tonight.
A few things I've been thinking about.
1.) I can't help but be thankful for my friends. I had such a fun time this weekend hanging out with my friend from home and her friends where so extremely kind to me. We went out and then me and her just got to catch up talk and hang out. I don't think I thought about this much when I was there but as I laid in bed tonight not being able to sleep I just started to think about the weekend.
I def felt as though I was at a college which was really fun to experience but as someone who doesn't buy into the whole idea of "college" I was also really thankful this wasn't my life every weekend. But that's just it IS THEIR life every weekend... and week.
I know I am a bit outspoken and honest but it is really hard for me to believe that the way people live their lives sometimes is because they actually really want it and not because they are trying to hide some inner insecurity or replace something that isn't there... like God. I know I know, but that is me! That is what I KNOW has formed me. I am not perfect and I do have faults but I am confident in who God has created me to be and for what reason, not even necessarily in the "job" market, just in life.
Seeing these students my age or younger give themselves up to situations that and put with the way they are treated because they can't see that there is another way and they deserve better literally breaks my heart. It is all I can do to keep from tearing up for them. You may say they WANT this life, and yeah, I'm sure some do, but I don't see real peace, joy, happiness and contentment within them, they are searching for something and I so wish I could help them find it.
Enough for that one
2.) I feel like I am doing it again.
I am pushing people away. I am so good and very experienced in doing this and I wish I wasn't. The realization that I am graduating has hit me like a ton of bricks tonight and I realize that I've been pushing people away and out of my life because I feel like that's what's going to happen anyways, why not speed up the process. I am delusional.
I always wanted a group of friends that I could have in my life forever and I felt like I finally had it, and now, again, I am pushing them away I feel like. Instead of spending time with them and putting an effort into our friends I am putting my work and my internship ahead of all of those relationships. My Jesus, family and my work are all things that will never leave me because Jesus is the only person to never have let me down, my family are the only people that have even been consistent in my life and my work is the only thing I can fully invest myself in and see an outcome.
This is what happened in high school. People let me down and I abandoned all of them because I never got closer with a situation. Instead I fled and cut them fully out of my life... all but a handful, if that. I just move on.
All of my friends are for a time or a season and then I become a hermit and instead of wanting to hangout with them all I want is to be home with my family. That is how I am feeling now. I think I am emotional realizing school is ending and I'd just rather speed up the process therefore I miss my family and I miss being grounded. I'm tired of trying to be strong for everyone else and I miss having people around who really challenge me in my faith and my actions. But I also realize I don't actually want to lose these friends. They are the first people I feel like I've really been able to open up too which is awesome but I just feel like I did at the end of high school, like we will all go out seprate ways.
I hope I am proven wrong.
I hope I get out of this funk.
I hope I continue to learn how to respond to relationships
I hope those people I met meet Jesus one day.
That's what I want most tonight.
Maybe it was the over 8 hours of driving this weekend or the new environment I was in or the fact that I feel like I missed out with my friends on a tradition or the realization that I graduate in 3 weekends, but I'm feeling awfully reflective tonight.
A few things I've been thinking about.
1.) I can't help but be thankful for my friends. I had such a fun time this weekend hanging out with my friend from home and her friends where so extremely kind to me. We went out and then me and her just got to catch up talk and hang out. I don't think I thought about this much when I was there but as I laid in bed tonight not being able to sleep I just started to think about the weekend.
I def felt as though I was at a college which was really fun to experience but as someone who doesn't buy into the whole idea of "college" I was also really thankful this wasn't my life every weekend. But that's just it IS THEIR life every weekend... and week.
I know I am a bit outspoken and honest but it is really hard for me to believe that the way people live their lives sometimes is because they actually really want it and not because they are trying to hide some inner insecurity or replace something that isn't there... like God. I know I know, but that is me! That is what I KNOW has formed me. I am not perfect and I do have faults but I am confident in who God has created me to be and for what reason, not even necessarily in the "job" market, just in life.
Seeing these students my age or younger give themselves up to situations that and put with the way they are treated because they can't see that there is another way and they deserve better literally breaks my heart. It is all I can do to keep from tearing up for them. You may say they WANT this life, and yeah, I'm sure some do, but I don't see real peace, joy, happiness and contentment within them, they are searching for something and I so wish I could help them find it.
Enough for that one
2.) I feel like I am doing it again.
I am pushing people away. I am so good and very experienced in doing this and I wish I wasn't. The realization that I am graduating has hit me like a ton of bricks tonight and I realize that I've been pushing people away and out of my life because I feel like that's what's going to happen anyways, why not speed up the process. I am delusional.
I always wanted a group of friends that I could have in my life forever and I felt like I finally had it, and now, again, I am pushing them away I feel like. Instead of spending time with them and putting an effort into our friends I am putting my work and my internship ahead of all of those relationships. My Jesus, family and my work are all things that will never leave me because Jesus is the only person to never have let me down, my family are the only people that have even been consistent in my life and my work is the only thing I can fully invest myself in and see an outcome.
This is what happened in high school. People let me down and I abandoned all of them because I never got closer with a situation. Instead I fled and cut them fully out of my life... all but a handful, if that. I just move on.
All of my friends are for a time or a season and then I become a hermit and instead of wanting to hangout with them all I want is to be home with my family. That is how I am feeling now. I think I am emotional realizing school is ending and I'd just rather speed up the process therefore I miss my family and I miss being grounded. I'm tired of trying to be strong for everyone else and I miss having people around who really challenge me in my faith and my actions. But I also realize I don't actually want to lose these friends. They are the first people I feel like I've really been able to open up too which is awesome but I just feel like I did at the end of high school, like we will all go out seprate ways.
I hope I am proven wrong.
I hope I get out of this funk.
I hope I continue to learn how to respond to relationships
I hope those people I met meet Jesus one day.
That's what I want most tonight.
Friday, December 30, 2011
HOW do you know?
Many people ask me that question.
How do you know you don't look like a fool in those pink tights?
How do you know what sub to get on in NYC?
How do you know where the sales are!?
How do you know Christianity and Jesus are "right"?
In this blog, I intend to answer that last question.
You see, many people think it is "intolerant" for me to say and believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven... and yet I still believe it. It's not intolerant of me actually, intolerance is me not listening to your side and not trying to understand who you are and where you are coming from. If we took this attitude of "everyone is right" then I say 2x2 is 10, not 4 and you are intolerant if you tell me I'm wrong!
I'm not going to try and convince you I am write here, I just want you to understand WHY I believe this and WHY it's so hard for others to understand.
You see it is like riding a roller coaster. People can ask you how it was and you explain by saying, it's so fast, and the wind whips through your hair, and man that first drop always takes your breath away, but if they have never actually been on a roller coaster, they are never going to understand, they are going to try to have to understand it through your experience and your feelings and the way you experienced it.
It's like that with faith. People ask me, how do you know your faith is the right one, I can try to explain how I know God is real and how I know Jesus existed (not only because there is significant proof not in the Bible) but that I do believe he died and rose again to forgive me of my sins. Unless, you yourself are seeking God and trying to understand, you aren't ever going to get understand.
Jeremiah 19:13
13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
You see, there are a couple key differences to me that make Christianity and Jesus stand out among the rest.
a.) It is a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus that I as a Christian have. That's why I don't like saying my religion, because that sounds like a list of does and don'ts. I have a personal relationship with Jesus whom I seek guidance from, share my life with, and whom I go straight to. Other religions is all fear based, they fear their god/gods and do not have a trust with him. I fear Jesus, but out of respect, like a Father; you don't do thinks that will piss of your Dad because you respect him and trust him, same with God for me. Jesus isn't the might smitter that people make him out to be. Don't get me wrong, he is a Just God, but I don't think he will be sending lighting bolts down anytime soon.
b.) No other "god" ever did anything to reach out to the people they supposedly created, do you see Shiva or Budda trying to come back and pay for the sins of the people here? No. Jesus is the only one who cared enough about man kind and man kind's eternal being to breach that level.
c.) Christianity is the only religion, when brought into tribes that increases morality and the quality of living. I know people say, well what about all those tribes of people who don't know God, and I can't answer for that, I have to trust that God knows what he is doing. He has said in numerous places that his law is written on our hearts.
I will put my law within them, and I will write it upon their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. And no longer shall each man teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, says the LORD; for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more. Jeremiah 31:33b-34
Therefore I believe that the people who have never heard of him will still know his law and it is with that, I believe God will judge them. But it is also our duty as his followers to take his word to the ends of the earth, the Great Commission found in Matthew 28:19-20;
19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
People often think that I don't know what I am talking about or think I am crazy or ignorant, but I never wanted my faith to be my parents or to believe only because it was right in front on me, so I did my research in High School, I looked up the other top religions in the world and I looked up cults to (juuusstt to make sure) and I have come to my conclusion. I KNOW that my faith is real and that my God is real. I may never be able to convince you of that, but I encourage to seek out the Lord for yourself. Research ALL religions, Jesus isn't scared, For it says in Jeremiah 29:13;
13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
The question I have for YOU is, are you seeking with your whole heart, or are you hoping a "faith" will just fall into your lap.
Be proactive about this, I have a feeling it will be important one day.
And I know there are people that think I'm crazy, but the good thing is God warned me about them too,
2 Corinthians 2:15-17
15 For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. 16 To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life. And who is equal to such a task?
Am I sounding like death or life to you?
How do you know you don't look like a fool in those pink tights?
How do you know what sub to get on in NYC?
How do you know where the sales are!?
How do you know Christianity and Jesus are "right"?
In this blog, I intend to answer that last question.
You see, many people think it is "intolerant" for me to say and believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven... and yet I still believe it. It's not intolerant of me actually, intolerance is me not listening to your side and not trying to understand who you are and where you are coming from. If we took this attitude of "everyone is right" then I say 2x2 is 10, not 4 and you are intolerant if you tell me I'm wrong!
6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
I'm not going to try and convince you I am write here, I just want you to understand WHY I believe this and WHY it's so hard for others to understand.
You see it is like riding a roller coaster. People can ask you how it was and you explain by saying, it's so fast, and the wind whips through your hair, and man that first drop always takes your breath away, but if they have never actually been on a roller coaster, they are never going to understand, they are going to try to have to understand it through your experience and your feelings and the way you experienced it.
It's like that with faith. People ask me, how do you know your faith is the right one, I can try to explain how I know God is real and how I know Jesus existed (not only because there is significant proof not in the Bible) but that I do believe he died and rose again to forgive me of my sins. Unless, you yourself are seeking God and trying to understand, you aren't ever going to get understand.
Jeremiah 19:13
13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
You see, there are a couple key differences to me that make Christianity and Jesus stand out among the rest.
a.) It is a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus that I as a Christian have. That's why I don't like saying my religion, because that sounds like a list of does and don'ts. I have a personal relationship with Jesus whom I seek guidance from, share my life with, and whom I go straight to. Other religions is all fear based, they fear their god/gods and do not have a trust with him. I fear Jesus, but out of respect, like a Father; you don't do thinks that will piss of your Dad because you respect him and trust him, same with God for me. Jesus isn't the might smitter that people make him out to be. Don't get me wrong, he is a Just God, but I don't think he will be sending lighting bolts down anytime soon.
b.) No other "god" ever did anything to reach out to the people they supposedly created, do you see Shiva or Budda trying to come back and pay for the sins of the people here? No. Jesus is the only one who cared enough about man kind and man kind's eternal being to breach that level.
c.) Christianity is the only religion, when brought into tribes that increases morality and the quality of living. I know people say, well what about all those tribes of people who don't know God, and I can't answer for that, I have to trust that God knows what he is doing. He has said in numerous places that his law is written on our hearts.
I will put my law within them, and I will write it upon their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. And no longer shall each man teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, says the LORD; for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more. Jeremiah 31:33b-34
Therefore I believe that the people who have never heard of him will still know his law and it is with that, I believe God will judge them. But it is also our duty as his followers to take his word to the ends of the earth, the Great Commission found in Matthew 28:19-20;
19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
People often think that I don't know what I am talking about or think I am crazy or ignorant, but I never wanted my faith to be my parents or to believe only because it was right in front on me, so I did my research in High School, I looked up the other top religions in the world and I looked up cults to (juuusstt to make sure) and I have come to my conclusion. I KNOW that my faith is real and that my God is real. I may never be able to convince you of that, but I encourage to seek out the Lord for yourself. Research ALL religions, Jesus isn't scared, For it says in Jeremiah 29:13;
13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
The question I have for YOU is, are you seeking with your whole heart, or are you hoping a "faith" will just fall into your lap.
Be proactive about this, I have a feeling it will be important one day.
And I know there are people that think I'm crazy, but the good thing is God warned me about them too,
2 Corinthians 2:15-17
15 For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. 16 To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life. And who is equal to such a task?
Am I sounding like death or life to you?
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
VSFS... and Guys
I love a good Fashion Show like anyone else and no I'm not one of those girls who boycotts the VSFS, I respect what they do, I think they are gorgeous, and I think it's entertaining.
What's more entertaining to me is everyone's reactions.
No I am not a size two, yes I know I have bigger hips, thighs and butt. I'm not blind. But I'm not about to beat myself up over it. I will never be a VS model so why should I compare myself to them. They could never be me either. There is about 1% of the WORLDS population that could be one of them, hence why they are from all over the world. I'm okay with that!
It's funny though reading people's tweets and FB status through the whole thing.
I love the girls who hate on themselves and swear to a diet right after.
I love the guys who tear down all the women around them by comparing them to these women.
But mostly, I LITERALLY love the guys who tweeted that we shouldn't want to be like them (not because they aren't beautiful) but because it is shallow of us to only want to be them BECAUSE they are good looking.
I respected that a lot.
All these other guys on Twitter and sitting there talking about girls with thunderthighs and how they should be working out instead of watching it. That made me angry. Way to contribute to most women's already low self-esteem.
And then I wonder, how are they going to treat their women. The guys who watch this and dis women for their appearances are shallow and will never be able to offer anything really deep to a relationship and for that I'm truly sorry to whoever they may be dating. What a wasted relationship checking your reflection constantly for imperfections instead of looking at what's beautiful about you.
These women are definitely beautiful. I am not here at all to hate on them. I love watching the VSFS, I think it is good entertainment.
I'm here to slap some sense into these females who always want to be someone else and look like something else. CONFIDENCE and self assurance is the sexiest thing I can think of for a person to wear.
And I'm here to slap some sense into the dudes who find it necessary to pick on everyone around them and belittle them. Learn to control your foolish comments because I'm afraid you may in turn affect the people around you that you say you care about.
What's more entertaining to me is everyone's reactions.
No I am not a size two, yes I know I have bigger hips, thighs and butt. I'm not blind. But I'm not about to beat myself up over it. I will never be a VS model so why should I compare myself to them. They could never be me either. There is about 1% of the WORLDS population that could be one of them, hence why they are from all over the world. I'm okay with that!
It's funny though reading people's tweets and FB status through the whole thing.
I love the girls who hate on themselves and swear to a diet right after.
I love the guys who tear down all the women around them by comparing them to these women.
But mostly, I LITERALLY love the guys who tweeted that we shouldn't want to be like them (not because they aren't beautiful) but because it is shallow of us to only want to be them BECAUSE they are good looking.
I respected that a lot.
All these other guys on Twitter and sitting there talking about girls with thunderthighs and how they should be working out instead of watching it. That made me angry. Way to contribute to most women's already low self-esteem.
And then I wonder, how are they going to treat their women. The guys who watch this and dis women for their appearances are shallow and will never be able to offer anything really deep to a relationship and for that I'm truly sorry to whoever they may be dating. What a wasted relationship checking your reflection constantly for imperfections instead of looking at what's beautiful about you.
These women are definitely beautiful. I am not here at all to hate on them. I love watching the VSFS, I think it is good entertainment.
I'm here to slap some sense into these females who always want to be someone else and look like something else. CONFIDENCE and self assurance is the sexiest thing I can think of for a person to wear.
And I'm here to slap some sense into the dudes who find it necessary to pick on everyone around them and belittle them. Learn to control your foolish comments because I'm afraid you may in turn affect the people around you that you say you care about.
Friday, April 22, 2011
The end is near. No not THAT end.
"Closing time - time for you to go out, go out into the world."
Such a prophetic line.
A lot of people use it to signal the end of a night. The end of college. The end of a trip, an experience, whatever the end is for you. Just remember the end of a rope leads to a huge open space where anything can go, you no longer have your life mapped out on this tiny line, instead there's a whole other world, off that mapped out course to explore.
As I end my experience here in NYC I ask myself, what was my "reason" for being here. You see I believe that I was lead to NYC this semester. A lot of decisions, applications, and periods of reflection of what I want my life to be went into deciding to do this. But I was also accepted here, I was accepted to my internship.
I honestly don't know what will come out of this experience job wise but I have taken away a lot bigger lessons, friends, and memories.
You see the great thing is, I don't need to know RIGHT NOW what effect this will have on my life, as difficult as that is for me, being a planner and all.
One thing is for sure, it's going to make me approach my senior year much differently. I don't have a clearer vision of what I'm supposed to do in life, what my job will be essentially, but I know I can't figure it out if I don't build my skill set. I say I want to direct and people ask to see my films or my website and I just go "well I don't actually have any, yet"; a lot of good that does me. This summer and senior year, that's going to change.
My senior year will also be different because, I hate to say this, but I realize who matters to me. I've always liked being friends with everyone, and I still say being cordial is way better than being a brat, but I've definitely grown really close to some individuals although we barely knew each other. They put in the effort to call and stay in contact and ask me how everything was going and that meant a great deal to me. I know that sounds horrible, but it felt like I had graduated and I realized which people were going to try and stay in contact, a hard, but honest and much needed realization.
I also learned just HOW important family and God is too me. I know a lot of people don't believe in God or don't have close relationships with their family, but for me, that is honestly what got me through. Those are two constants in my life that have NEVER changed.
God is always there and when I was super home sick in the beginning reading the Bible was probably the only thing that encouraged me throughout the week. For the first two weeks I kid you not almost every daily devotional I read applied DIRECTLY to what I had been feeling that whole day and gave me hope and encouragement. I know people will say you were reading into it or you take what your looking for, but if you've never felt it than there's no way for me to even try and explain it.
My family was so awesome with me too, especially since I called every day, or twice a day, or more.
My dad, for letting me call and complain, ask for advice, talk to when I was down, in need of encouragement. Def the best man I know, I love how handy he is and how he's always there when I need him to give me Godly advice, I def need to find a guy like him!
My mom, for letting me call her at 1am when my tummy hurts and I don't know what meds to take, and for listening to me babble about my days and experiences. For letting me send her stupid articles that I read and for really caring about everything I do here. She def the mom that listens and with my big mouth, it's much appreicated. And for all the care packages! loved em!
My sis, because I always call her if I want an honest opinion on anything. I appreciate that she tells me exactly what she thinks because I trust her opinion otherwise I wouldn't ask. And we always grow closer when we are apart which is nice, it's fun to laugh over silly videos with her, share our confusion over hipsters and make fun of mom and dad and their forgetfullness.
My bro, for subtley encouraging me that I can get through this experience. That when I'm homesick, there are others who are far more homesick and helping me realize I can get through anything.
So you see, this ending, this closing time in NYC is just the beginning, come on you KNEW that was coming. It has taught me SO much. I have a clearer vision of what I need to do to prepare for my future. It's really hard now to leave. I've made a life here, with friends that I'm really going to miss.
It's hard because I don't know exactly where my future will lead me, but I'll never find out if I don't try. Rejection and failure is a fear of mine, so after I fall and fail a few times, I'm going to make sure that senior year, I conquer that fear, and learn how to encourage myself to succeed.
Such a prophetic line.
A lot of people use it to signal the end of a night. The end of college. The end of a trip, an experience, whatever the end is for you. Just remember the end of a rope leads to a huge open space where anything can go, you no longer have your life mapped out on this tiny line, instead there's a whole other world, off that mapped out course to explore.
As I end my experience here in NYC I ask myself, what was my "reason" for being here. You see I believe that I was lead to NYC this semester. A lot of decisions, applications, and periods of reflection of what I want my life to be went into deciding to do this. But I was also accepted here, I was accepted to my internship.
I honestly don't know what will come out of this experience job wise but I have taken away a lot bigger lessons, friends, and memories.
You see the great thing is, I don't need to know RIGHT NOW what effect this will have on my life, as difficult as that is for me, being a planner and all.
One thing is for sure, it's going to make me approach my senior year much differently. I don't have a clearer vision of what I'm supposed to do in life, what my job will be essentially, but I know I can't figure it out if I don't build my skill set. I say I want to direct and people ask to see my films or my website and I just go "well I don't actually have any, yet"; a lot of good that does me. This summer and senior year, that's going to change.
My senior year will also be different because, I hate to say this, but I realize who matters to me. I've always liked being friends with everyone, and I still say being cordial is way better than being a brat, but I've definitely grown really close to some individuals although we barely knew each other. They put in the effort to call and stay in contact and ask me how everything was going and that meant a great deal to me. I know that sounds horrible, but it felt like I had graduated and I realized which people were going to try and stay in contact, a hard, but honest and much needed realization.
I also learned just HOW important family and God is too me. I know a lot of people don't believe in God or don't have close relationships with their family, but for me, that is honestly what got me through. Those are two constants in my life that have NEVER changed.
God is always there and when I was super home sick in the beginning reading the Bible was probably the only thing that encouraged me throughout the week. For the first two weeks I kid you not almost every daily devotional I read applied DIRECTLY to what I had been feeling that whole day and gave me hope and encouragement. I know people will say you were reading into it or you take what your looking for, but if you've never felt it than there's no way for me to even try and explain it.
My family was so awesome with me too, especially since I called every day, or twice a day, or more.
My dad, for letting me call and complain, ask for advice, talk to when I was down, in need of encouragement. Def the best man I know, I love how handy he is and how he's always there when I need him to give me Godly advice, I def need to find a guy like him!
My mom, for letting me call her at 1am when my tummy hurts and I don't know what meds to take, and for listening to me babble about my days and experiences. For letting me send her stupid articles that I read and for really caring about everything I do here. She def the mom that listens and with my big mouth, it's much appreicated. And for all the care packages! loved em!
My sis, because I always call her if I want an honest opinion on anything. I appreciate that she tells me exactly what she thinks because I trust her opinion otherwise I wouldn't ask. And we always grow closer when we are apart which is nice, it's fun to laugh over silly videos with her, share our confusion over hipsters and make fun of mom and dad and their forgetfullness.
My bro, for subtley encouraging me that I can get through this experience. That when I'm homesick, there are others who are far more homesick and helping me realize I can get through anything.
So you see, this ending, this closing time in NYC is just the beginning, come on you KNEW that was coming. It has taught me SO much. I have a clearer vision of what I need to do to prepare for my future. It's really hard now to leave. I've made a life here, with friends that I'm really going to miss.
It's hard because I don't know exactly where my future will lead me, but I'll never find out if I don't try. Rejection and failure is a fear of mine, so after I fall and fail a few times, I'm going to make sure that senior year, I conquer that fear, and learn how to encourage myself to succeed.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
FOR-EV-ER Internet
Yes, it is 1:37 in the morning
Yes, I do have to be up in 7 and a half hours
Yes, I do have to work tomorrow
Yes, I was writing this blog in my head which is now why I am actually writing it.
Yep, it is my fault, I had coffee past 3:00
Yes, we've all heard the saying "whatever you put on facebook will be there forever and can cause you trouble later" but what about the rest of the internet? I just thought after taking all of these ethics, journalist and media related seminars and what not I'd share some knowledge with ya'll.
SLANDER
First off did you know you can be sued for slander because of something you posted? It's truueee! Anything you write about on your twitter, blog, email, facebook can be used in the court of law if it is slanderous. I know a lot of this relates to cyber bullying but just calling someone a nasty name can end up in a law suit. For example the word "whore", honestly I know people use this word as slang, but in a court of law, that doesn't hold anything, look up the definition.
Here is a case of a mom suing over a PRIVATE facebook group.
Cyber bullying
EMAIL
And did you know emails can last FOREVER. Yep I learned today that they can be pulled up and out of the woodwork and used in a court of law. So if there is something sensitive you need to talk to someone about, do it over the phone or in person, unless you want that document to follow you around forever. I know I'm guilty of this, venting to someone about someone else because I'm frustrated.
PHOTOS
I just learned that a teacher who, although she was doing NOTHING legally wrong was asked to resign or be fired because of a picture on her Facebook, granit I'm pretty sure she is appealing it but still, her employer thought it was worthy enough to deserve this action. Be careful of ALL photos you post, and any you are tagged in. And even if you make sure you are okay, be mindful of your friends as well. Don't be afraid to ask someone to take down a picture or a post EVEN if you aren't doing ANYTHING wrong. I know first hand because although I don't drink, I may be in a picture with someone else who is and therefore I can look guilty by association. This one is hard even for me to come to grips with. I like some of those pictures because I think I look cute! But I have to ask myself right now, is it worth a future job?? And maybe my employer won't care, but obviously Ashley's did.
Ashley's Story included on site
JOURNALISM
Another thing I found super interesting is for anyone who wants to be a journalist, and to be honest, I never thought of this but your job is to be completely biased, not only in your writing but in LIFE. I met a lady who said ever since she began voting she registered as an independant because she doesn't want anyone knowing who she may side for. She also spoke of a guy who went to some function of a friends (I think it was someone birthday) and it ended up being a rally against gun control, well he now can no longer write or report on ANYTHING related to guns because people COULD POSSIBLY say he had a bias. Just wearing a pin at an event is a no, no I found out. Welp, there goes my career! I'm pretty sure everyone knows where I stand and I'll just need to find a network that's okay with that.
So know your job, know what is expected of you, AND WATCH WHAT YOU SAY ON ANY AND EVERY SITE!!!! People whose job it is, is to report are always looking up EVERYTHING so you may post a video or a blog and then decide two days later, well I should probably take that down, but someone somewhere may have already taken photos you posted, a screen shot of a blog, or somehow managed to save the video you posted. That person can always repost it. Things live FOREVER on the internet. So be careful.
I know I was freaked out about this today, who knows what I posted when I was 14 on myspace even though I deleted that page, do you know myspace keeps those and if I wanted to "reopen" my page, THEY HAVE IT SAVED!!! Yeah.
I just wanna help the good people who read my blog out in the cyber world.
Hopefully I'll fall asleep now. It is 2:17 now and I have to get up at 9... hooray.
Yes, I do have to be up in 7 and a half hours
Yes, I do have to work tomorrow
Yes, I was writing this blog in my head which is now why I am actually writing it.
Yep, it is my fault, I had coffee past 3:00
Yes, we've all heard the saying "whatever you put on facebook will be there forever and can cause you trouble later" but what about the rest of the internet? I just thought after taking all of these ethics, journalist and media related seminars and what not I'd share some knowledge with ya'll.
SLANDER
First off did you know you can be sued for slander because of something you posted? It's truueee! Anything you write about on your twitter, blog, email, facebook can be used in the court of law if it is slanderous. I know a lot of this relates to cyber bullying but just calling someone a nasty name can end up in a law suit. For example the word "whore", honestly I know people use this word as slang, but in a court of law, that doesn't hold anything, look up the definition.
Here is a case of a mom suing over a PRIVATE facebook group.
Cyber bullying
And did you know emails can last FOREVER. Yep I learned today that they can be pulled up and out of the woodwork and used in a court of law. So if there is something sensitive you need to talk to someone about, do it over the phone or in person, unless you want that document to follow you around forever. I know I'm guilty of this, venting to someone about someone else because I'm frustrated.
PHOTOS
I just learned that a teacher who, although she was doing NOTHING legally wrong was asked to resign or be fired because of a picture on her Facebook, granit I'm pretty sure she is appealing it but still, her employer thought it was worthy enough to deserve this action. Be careful of ALL photos you post, and any you are tagged in. And even if you make sure you are okay, be mindful of your friends as well. Don't be afraid to ask someone to take down a picture or a post EVEN if you aren't doing ANYTHING wrong. I know first hand because although I don't drink, I may be in a picture with someone else who is and therefore I can look guilty by association. This one is hard even for me to come to grips with. I like some of those pictures because I think I look cute! But I have to ask myself right now, is it worth a future job?? And maybe my employer won't care, but obviously Ashley's did.
Ashley's Story included on site
JOURNALISM
Another thing I found super interesting is for anyone who wants to be a journalist, and to be honest, I never thought of this but your job is to be completely biased, not only in your writing but in LIFE. I met a lady who said ever since she began voting she registered as an independant because she doesn't want anyone knowing who she may side for. She also spoke of a guy who went to some function of a friends (I think it was someone birthday) and it ended up being a rally against gun control, well he now can no longer write or report on ANYTHING related to guns because people COULD POSSIBLY say he had a bias. Just wearing a pin at an event is a no, no I found out. Welp, there goes my career! I'm pretty sure everyone knows where I stand and I'll just need to find a network that's okay with that.
So know your job, know what is expected of you, AND WATCH WHAT YOU SAY ON ANY AND EVERY SITE!!!! People whose job it is, is to report are always looking up EVERYTHING so you may post a video or a blog and then decide two days later, well I should probably take that down, but someone somewhere may have already taken photos you posted, a screen shot of a blog, or somehow managed to save the video you posted. That person can always repost it. Things live FOREVER on the internet. So be careful.
I know I was freaked out about this today, who knows what I posted when I was 14 on myspace even though I deleted that page, do you know myspace keeps those and if I wanted to "reopen" my page, THEY HAVE IT SAVED!!! Yeah.
I just wanna help the good people who read my blog out in the cyber world.
Hopefully I'll fall asleep now. It is 2:17 now and I have to get up at 9... hooray.
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